October is AVM Awareness Month, a time when I reflect on my journey and the challenges I’ve faced since being diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) and three brain aneurysms. This month, the significance hit even harder as I went in for an angiogram on October 11th, hoping and praying for good news—that my AVM was finally gone.
I’ve been here before, sitting in waiting rooms, surrounded by the familiar sounds and faces of Barrow Neurological Institute. Dr. Ducret, my trusted doctor, was the one who performed the angiogram, just as he’s guided me through many other angiograms. The test itself went smoothly, but my heart raced with anticipation, eager for the words that I had longed to hear: “It’s all gone.”
I had been holding onto hope for years, ever since my gamma knife surgery. Gamma knife is a precise form of radiation treatment that I had undergone to target the AVM. I had put so much faith in the idea that this time, it would work completely—that my AVM, after all these years of surgery and close calls, would finally be obliterated.
But as I sat there in the bed, listening to Dr. Ducret’s calm voice, the news wasn’t what I had hoped for. The AVM wasn’t gone. There’s still a residual amount left, lurking in my thalamus, a reminder that my journey isn’t over yet. My heart sank. I had hoped for a different outcome, visualized myself getting the all-clear, moving on from this chapter of my life. But the reality wasn’t so simple.
Now, I’m faced with a difficult decision: another craniotomy, a surgery I’ve been through before, or another round of gamma knife. Both options are daunting. I know what to expect from each, having gone through both in the past. Part of me is leaning towards gamma knife again, hoping that this time it will finish the job. But it’s not an easy decision, and the thought of continuing this fight feels heavy at times.
I’m bummed. There’s no better way to put it. After everything I’ve been through—the stroke, the surgery, the intense rehabilitation—I was ready for this to be over. I wanted to move on, fully, from the AVM that’s dictated so much of my life. But that’s not the path ahead of me right now.
Even though it’s hard, I remind myself that I’ve come this far. I’ve survived a stroke, undergone brain surgery, and powered through physical, occupational, and speech therapy like it was my full-time job. I’ve adapted to the challenges my body faces, from the paralysis on my right side to the excess tone in my hand. I’ve built a life that I love, working at the Sedona Heritage Museum, and sharing my AVM story with others to raise awareness.
This setback isn’t the end of my story—it’s just another chapter. I’ll face this next decision the same way I’ve faced every other challenge on this journey—with strength, resilience, and hope for the future.
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